Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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