im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
