Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
