Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
