They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
whose parrot is this?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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