I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
