shes about as inviting as chlamydia
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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