I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
