dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
