We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
