Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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