just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you never un-have a 4some
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
