i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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