Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
