Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
