Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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