After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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