Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
