I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
