i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
