I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
