Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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