My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the liver wants what the liver wants
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
