glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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