I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
