It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
