Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
