8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
