like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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