Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
