just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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