Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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