connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
