Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Swine flu is the new snow day.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
