so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They took my balls.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
