I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
