but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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