he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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