I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
