I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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