is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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