i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
