Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
