let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
