i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
