can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
