so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
