if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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