my mouth tastes like poor choices
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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