every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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