Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
what is it with giant penises always finding me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
