I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I supernannyed him into submission
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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