he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
