let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
