Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
